Guilt

I feel horrible. Dr. Roskin (Chris’ old primary who treated her in Miami) email me. She found a clinical trial for a new gastroparesis medication. Unfortunately Chris is way beyond Medicinal trials. She wanted to make sure that we had tried everything for her. She also mentioned the transplant, which the transplant doctors will not even consider for her. So I emailed her back with everything that has been tried and I mentioned how the transplant doctors will not consider her for the transplant. They felt it was too drastic and would not perform it just because the patient wants it. I have not gotten a response from this email yet.

Well I was telling Oscar about the email and he was getting on me about how I should let Dr. Roskin try to get Chris the transplant. I tried explaining to him that they won’t listen to her. They would not even evaluate Chris. Plus she is so weak that she would never survive the transplant. It turned into a fight. He made me feel like I was giving up on Chris and have not done enough for her, just like my dad. I am sitting here just feeling like I want to cry.

I called my mom and she said she knows that we have tried everything, including trying to get her the transplant. She said I should try to not let them make me feel like that. I guess I just feel like that everyone except mom and Chris thinks that I have not done enough.